21 September 2009

what a sucky holiday.

by right, today should be a happy day. cox its monday n im having holiday.
sadly, things did not went well as planned.
whole thing just wrecked up.
all i have got to blame is my unluckiness, what else.
actually from the start of the day, i already have thought n prepare for the negative outcome.
though i have prepared, never did i thought tt the impact was so humongous.
my tears drop at the very moement that i saw the msg minutes ago.
immediately, grab my stitchy n went to guestroom to slp.
tears never stop falling. wanted to reply the msg but i really dunno wat to say.
on the bed, keep asking myself over n over why m i crying over such small matter.
i cant get an answer.
cry too much till my nose block till the extent tt i totally cant breathe thru nose.
got no choice but to walk back to my room to take tissue n decided to take my laptop along.
im not sure whether i will get better after typing it out but im sure tt i definitely need a place to let out.
went back to guestroom again, all the while i nv on a single light, n so my whole house practically is in total darkness.
don't wanna on the light, don't wanna see the reflection of myself in the mirrors.
back to the same position n thinking the same qn.
at least some possible answers came out....
maybe cox i actually subconsciously expecting the positive outcome alot n been wanting it to happen. so im utterly disappointed?
maybe cox this is the one n only last time tt my holiday jus nice on monday n so i feel its a total waste?
maybe cox i find tt im always the unlucky one n im angry with myself?
i think is the 3 of them tgt tt cause me in this plight.
the sad thing is... i can blame no one.
i can only keep telling myself im unlucky, tts it.
i m angry with myself n i cant do anything about it.
im so fed up tt i feel like throwing my fone to the wall.
i wanna tell all this to him but he would only say these are contradicting words. to avoid it, i swallow these.
intended to give him a surprise n its now gone.
although can stil give him in future, but my mood is not there anymore.
forget it, jus give him the present will do.
i'm already now in the state of from disappointed to angry to give up.
nvm. dont feel like typing anymore. dun tink will slp early tonight either. gonna wander around in the net..
~END~

♥ stucked ♥
2:48:00 am

Vivian Lai.

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