11 March 2009

give me a break! RAH

give me a break! can you?can you? can you??
everything is just looming towards me.
everything is piling on me, in me, every part of me.
nowadays school is not as fun as before anymore.
due to the sinful pressure that is underlying in everyone of us.
homeworks are piling
even though it may seems redundant.
but.. it does exist.. significantly.
this is the year which i know procrastinating is super inappropriate
even though homeworks is never my priority
but still, i have to at least attempt every single one of it
at least i told myself : " i have had at least tried my best.. "
for schoolwork, besides being more hardworking, there's nothing i can do.
for cca, at least i 'appeared' for every required practises.
which is like a vast improvement for me for people knowing me knew that i am a regular cca absentee.
for life, i dont always plan for future.
cause.. i believed in let nature takes its course.
no matter how detailed how perfect your plan may be, prediction seems to be redundant.
we can never catch up with the immediate changes which can happen anywhere, anytime.
however, i dont plan doesnt mean that i dont think.
regrets is what everyone hates, so never pin any expectation on unconfident matters, so that even though outcome may be undesirable, regret will not cling on you.
for family, i have been trying my best to control my temper.
but then, i have my limits too.
even though, you may be an elderly to me, if you dont respect me, and keep threatening me with i am your zhang bei.
i dont see at which point you deserve any respect from me.
i am trying my best to put myself in your shoe but then did you do the same?
i tried my best to change but did you manage to do too?
for friends, rudeness is what i hate most.
if you wanna be rude to me, jolly well prepared for what come worst to you next.
if you treat me as a friend, i will do the same too, maybe even better.
hang around with friends is what i enjoy and treasure most.
through these years, i have been through loads about friendship.
which also unconsciously change me or rather i choose to hide the initial me.
people who treat me as true friends, i know who you are.
dont worry, i will never forget you. =]
to me, definition of true friends is very simple.
just have to lend a listening ear when i needed one.
share with me your sorrows and happiness.
catch up with each other when we meet.
pretentious and hypocritic are taboos.
heart to heart is what i ask for =]
last but not least, for relationship.
to me, it doesnt matter who gives in more.
there's no fair equilibrium in this world, what more relationship.
to me, what matters more is the way how you treat me.
to many girls, i considered more easily satisfied.
i don't need you to accompany me everyday.
i don't need you to always pay for my expenses when we go out.
i don't need you to be the one who's is always apologising when we quarrel.
i don't need you to sweettalk me all the time, to me, it is redundant.
what i want.. very simple..
message or give me a call everyday to ensure that you are alright.
hug me when i need warmth or consolation.
lend me your shoulder when i am tired or crying.
this is all i need.
for the current, i am getting more lethargic.
we are like as good as never contact.
i really appreciated the care you gave me during CNY.
that's also what makes me wanna go back to that period of time.
everything seems to disappear after that.
sometimes, how i wish the moments when we are together can just continue and never stops.
questions have been mushroomed in my head months.
questions like...
what am i to you?
what will happen if we never contact that time?
did i ever exist in any of your plans? etc etc
there have been alot of 'what ifs' but..
the practical character in me have been inhibiting me from having further imaginations on these what ifs.
i am really getting very tired.
keep chasing after someone who never stops and turn back and look at you is very exhausting.
and apparently, i am the one chasing.
almost all the time, i have been the one initiate to msg you.
i am not trying to complain or what.
but.. afterall i am still a girl.
a girl who wants a guy she likes..
to dote on her.
to care for her.
but.. this doesnt seems to be the case for me.
i don't mind actually.
but.. i am losing my determination.
i don't want to give up but there's nothing i could do.
for now, after much numbness, i began to let go more easily.
i have been making improvements to not think of you so much.
i am quite happy with this improvement.
as my life is much more happier like that.
however... i know that it would be better with you around.

dont know why suddenly have the urge to write such an affectionate post. just treat as a report of my feelings before the holidays. everything would be different for the next time. i assurred. =]

♥ stucked ♥
9:50:00 pm

Vivian Lai.

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